The Emotional Baseball Player

We all know who I'm talking about. Whether you're a player, coach, or parent, we've all been around the player who is one bad outcome away from being so emotional that they can no longer effectively play the game. Anger is the typical reaction from the "emotional baseball player," but why? It likely comes down to how a coach or parent has given feedback to this player throughout their career. First, I'm addressing the parents; second, I'll call out the coaches, and third, I'll speak to the players.

Parents, I understand that what I'm about to say is a generalization and not always the case. I understand there are complex nuances of parenting, and the responses of a kid or teenager might vary quite a bit. Sometimes, you're nothing but supportive, and your child still ends up as this player. If this applies to you, please read further on when I address the coaches. If the coaches section doesn't apply, please read on to the addressing of the players.

The Parent:

I'm addressing the parent who is critical of performance after a game, e.g., hitting, pitching, fielding. There is absolutely a place for a parent to address poor hustle, poor sportsmanship, or any other wrongful actions taken during a game with great conviction.

Anger is often a mask of fear, so what exactly is a player fearful of? They're fearful of the car ride home, the disappointment that comes from their father, they're fearful of the comments that will come their way due to not performing. If you're a parent of an "emotional baseball player" and you've had heated car rides home, maybe it's time for you to look in the mirror and wake up! YOU are the problem. I know this might be hard for you to do, but assess how you have addressed a poor performance from your child in the past. Was the feedback constructive criticism or destructive criticism? If you're not capable as a parent to give constructive criticism about a baseball performance, then I've got a suggestion for you: just be supportive. Just because you're not capable of understanding the game of baseball and all of the failure and complexity or the causes of specific on-field failures does not mean that you get to project all of your own confusion onto your kid, causing them to now be the "emotional baseball player." It's a two-edged sword doing this to your child. There are two parts of a baseball player, the physical and the mental. Now, not only may they not be performing well on the physical attributes of the game, but you're creating a response that's going to cause them not to perform well on the mental side of the game, which is the other half of the equation to begin with. Here are some suggestions for parents who have only been critical of their child after a game, on things they could say or ask that they've likely never asked before.

• "It looked like that pitcher was tunneling his fastball perfectly with his off-speed. How hard was that to face?"
• "Did the coach have any insight as to what was giving you trouble at the plate today?"
• "Did you and your coach figure out what happened on the mound today?"
• "That baseball was smoked at you today; it looked fast from the stands. How fast did it feel coming at you?"
• "Anything you think we need to work on after the results of the game today?"

Have you ever asked one of these questions after your child made multiple errors, struck out every at-bat, or struggled pitching? Again, I'm speaking to the parent who is the "wait until we get in the car" parent after the game. Your parenting style isn't working! You are going to make your child either hate the game, hate you, or worst of all, hate themselves. So, here's my call out to "long car ride home" parents: you need to do better.

The Coach:

Assuming that the parent isn't the underlying cause of the behavior, let's look at the coach. How is the coach addressing failures from their players? How is the coach addressing the "emotional baseball player" on the team? Kids and teenagers both need crystal clear boundary lines drawn for things that will and will not be tolerated on a team. If those lines are not drawn and held up with no exceptions, then you'll lose the authority over players' reactions. Establish with your players that emotional control is part of being an athlete and is a skill set just like any other. Treat it that way when it shows up.

As for a coach's response to failure of an individual or team performance, the reactions towards either can be responsible for how a player or players respond. As a coach myself, trust me when I say I understand the direct reflection of failure felt when something is not executed properly, especially when it's something that is considered routine on the field. It hurts. As a coach, the appropriate response might be an aggressive challenge to the team that it's not acceptable to make that mistake, but it CANNOT be a reaction of anger, helplessness, or defeat. Don't forget, you're a coach; the players look up to you for guidance, approval, and competence. Guidance can be accepted by players even if it's delivered behind an aggressive tone; players expect that from a leader. A coach has every right to hold their players up to the standard set, as long as the standard has been set. When a coach shows defeat, helplessness, or hopelessness, not one player will overcome that. If you display any of those as a coach, you'll find yourself with an abundance of "emotional baseball players" due to the concern of a coach displaying those defeated reactions. Remember, just as much as a player wants the approval of their father, they want the approval of their coach next. You're a coach, which means you must address any and all problems on your team to the best of your ability, which then leads to an answer as to how the problem can be overcome. Just as much as the "emotional baseball player" is an issue, the emotional coach can be the root of the problem.

If you're a parent of a player whose coach consistently can't control their emotional responses to the game, LEAVE. There's no growth to be made there for your player, and it will not change.

The Player:

Has letting your emotions get the best of you during a game ever resulted in better performance? Of course not. The problem is when we let our negative emotions get the best of us; they don't just stay in our head; they almost always manifest physically. The game of baseball requires players to be extremely sharp in their decision making, as well as being sharp with physical precision when it comes to hitting, fielding, pitching, and running. When a player is in a mental headspace of anger or frustration from a previous outcome, the likelihood of a player being capable of executing an upcoming play becomes less likely. It's not because you're not capable, but because your main focus is on a past event and not on the current task. We're not capable of multitasking emotional frustrations and high-precision athletic actions at the same time. My solution to this problem is to begin to view baseball through an analytical lens with data-driven answers. Baseball is a game of failure and adjustments. There's always an answer as to why a failure occurred in the game of baseball. Some answers are in your control, some answers are out of your control. When you begin to spend your time analyzing why a failure occurred and what adjustment needs to be applied, the space for an emotional reaction begins to shrink down to hopefully nothing. Baseball will always be accompanied by failure; wishing that it isn't so is naive. When you start to understand that the most successful baseball players are the best at figuring out what went wrong during a failure and identifying what correction needs to be applied in the next opportunity, a negative emotional response should begin to feel more and more like an inappropriate reaction. Just remember, every failure that you go through as a baseball player has an answer to it; the only way to get better is to experience overcoming that failure with a logical data-driven response.

If you're a player with the type of parent that I addressed above, I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Try to understand that they likely don't have a good understanding of the game. Try to separate anything negatively said, and remember that their confusion as to why you didn't succeed doesn't need to turn into your reaction on the field. The better you become at deciphering the problem on the field, the better your explanation to your parents becomes when addressing failures during a previous game.

If you're a player with an emotional coach, make sure that it's more than a one-time thing. Coaches are human too and might have the wrong reaction due to competitiveness. A good coach will recognize that and address that with the team, typically in the form of an apology. If your coach continues to react with uncontrolled emotional outbursts, then it's time to leave. You might not have a choice when it comes to your parents' reactions, but you do when it comes to your coach. If your coach is acting that way, then they are simply not doing their job, which should be to help their players become the best ball players possible under their leadership. That includes emotional control.

Ben Villines